#5 Ways to Find Your Joy and Happiness

Happiness can sometimes feel like something we're supposed to arrive at. I'll be happy when I lose weight. I'll be happy when I get the new job. I'll be happy when the house is sorted. I'll be happy when the children are older. I'll be happy when I've got more money.

But what if happiness isn't actually a destination? What if it's something we can find in little pieces along the way?

Life isn't going to be perfect. There will always be bills, deadlines, responsibilities, arguments, disappointments and things we'd rather not deal with. That doesn't mean we can't experience joy alongside them. In fact, sometimes those small moments of happiness become even more important because they remind us that life isn't only about getting through the difficult bits.

1. Work out what actually makes YOU happy

This sounds obvious, but how often do we actually stop and think about it? Not what makes your partner happy, not what makes your friends happy and not what you're supposed to enjoy. What makes you happy?

Maybe it's dancing around the kitchen, going for a walk, reading, being creative, watching terrible reality TV, getting dressed up, sitting in the garden or listening to music in the car. Maybe it's having coffee with a particular friend, exploring somewhere you've never been or simply having an hour completely to yourself.

It doesn't have to be productive. It doesn't have to improve you. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else and it certainly doesn't have to be Instagram-worthy. If something makes you smile, relax, laugh or simply feel more like yourself, it counts.

Try making a list of ten things that genuinely make you happy, then ask yourself a very simple question: When was the last time I actually did any of them?

2. Stop waiting for the perfect time

One of the biggest joy stealers is constantly putting happiness off. We'll do it when we're less busy, when the weather is better, when we've lost weight, when we've got more money, when the children don't need us as much or when work finally calms down.

But there will nearly always be another thing to do.

If you wait for life to become completely uncomplicated before you allow yourself to enjoy it, you could be waiting for a very long time.

You don't need an entire weekend off to enjoy yourself. You might only have twenty minutes. Use them. Put your favourite music on, sit outside with a coffee, phone someone who makes you laugh, go for a walk or read a few pages of your book.

Joy doesn't have to be a big event. Sometimes it's simply five minutes that belong entirely to you.

3. Protect your joy

This is where happiness and assertiveness meet.

Sometimes we know exactly what makes us happy, but we keep allowing other people, commitments and expectations to take up all the space. We say yes when we mean no. We spend our weekends doing things we don't want to do. We feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. We compare ourselves with people online. We keep people in our lives who constantly drain us.

Slowly, without even noticing, we can squeeze the joy out of our own lives.

Protecting your happiness doesn't mean becoming selfish. It means recognising that your wellbeing matters too.

You are allowed to have boundaries around your time.
You are allowed to say, "I can't do that," "I need some time for myself," or "Actually, I'd like to do something different."

You don't have to justify every choice that makes you happy.

4. Notice the little things

We're often looking for the big moments — the holiday, the wedding, the promotion, the new house, the exciting night out or the once-in-a-lifetime experience. And of course, those things can be wonderful.

But if we're only looking for huge moments of happiness, we're going to miss an awful lot of ordinary joy.

The first cup of tea in the morning. Sunshine coming through the window. A song you haven't heard for years. A really good laugh. Freshly washed bedding. A dog being ridiculous. Finding something you thought you'd lost. A beautiful sunset. Your favourite meal. Someone remembering something you told them months ago. Your child making you laugh. A quiet five minutes when nobody needs anything from you.

These moments can seem insignificant, but add enough of them together and they become your life. Try noticing three good things each day. They don't have to be impressive. They just have to be real.

5. Give yourself permission to enjoy your life

Perhaps this is the biggest one. We can become so focused on being responsible adults that we forget we're actually allowed to have fun.

We have responsibilities. We have work, families, chores, appointments and things that need doing. But we're not machines. You don't have to earn happiness by completing your entire to-do list, and you don't have to be perfectly productive before you're allowed to relax.

You don't have to justify having fun either.

Want to go somewhere? Ask someone. Want to learn something? Try it. Want to dance? Dance. Want to wear the ridiculous outfit? Wear it. Want to take yourself out for coffee? Go. Want to start a completely new hobby at 50? Why not?

There isn't an age limit on joy.

Happiness doesn't mean being happy all the time

This is important. Finding joy doesn't mean forcing yourself to be positive when you're sad, angry, grieving or struggling.

You don't have to turn every difficult experience into a life lesson. Sometimes things are just rubbish. Sometimes we need to cry. Sometimes we need to be angry. Sometimes we need to sit quietly and do absolutely nothing. That's life too.

The aim isn't to become someone who is permanently cheerful. It's to make sure difficult emotions aren't the only emotions we experience.

There can be sadness and laughter. Stress and relaxation. Responsibility and fun. Grief and beautiful memories. A difficult week and one brilliant afternoon.

Life can contain more than one thing at once.

Your joy matters

You don't need permission to enjoy your own life.

You don't need to be thinner. You don't need more money. You don't need a better house. You don't need more followers. You don't need everyone to approve of you. You don't even need to have everything figured out.

Start small.

Find what makes you smile. Make time for it. Protect it. Notice it. Share it with people who make you feel good. Don't underestimate the ordinary moments.

Perhaps happiness isn't something we eventually find at the end of a perfect life.

Perhaps it's something we notice, create and protect along the way.

So here's your Assertive Ninja challenge:

What is one thing that makes you happy that you haven't made enough time for lately?

Don't just think about it. Put it in the diary. Make the phone call. Buy the ticket. Take the walk. Put the music on.

Say yes to yourself. Your life is happening now. Don't forget to enjoy some of it.

10 Happiness Hacks to Start Feeling Better Every Day

Happiness doesn't always require a major life change. Sometimes it's the little things we do every day that can shift our mood, energy and outlook.

You don't need to wait for a holiday, a new job or a completely stress-free life. Try building a few tiny moments of happiness into your everyday routine instead.

1. Start your morning outside

If it's a lovely morning, don't automatically eat breakfast at the kitchen table. Take your breakfast outside. Sit in the garden, listen to the birds and enjoy your coffee in the fresh air.

And if the weather is warm enough, kick your shoes off and walk across the grass in bare feet. There's something wonderfully simple about feeling the grass underneath your feet and starting the day outdoors.

You don't need a complicated morning routine. Sometimes fresh air, sunshine and a cup of coffee are enough to make a morning feel different.

2. Make yourself a happy playlist

Music can completely change the atmosphere. Create a playlist of songs that make you feel good — upbeat, cheerful, dancey songs that you can't help but sing along to. Play it while you're getting ready, cooking dinner or driving to work. Don't have time to dance around the kitchen in the morning? Put your headphones on for the journey instead.

Your commute doesn't have to be dead time. Use it to put yourself in a better mood before you've even arrived at work.

3. Turn your morning shower into a mini spa

Who says a shower has to be purely functional? Use something that makes the experience feel a little more special. A lovely shower gel, body scrub, scented product or a few drops of an appropriate essential oil can turn an ordinary shower into a mini spa moment.

Citrus scents such as orange, lemon or lime can feel fresh and uplifting, while other scents can create a more relaxing atmosphere. You don't need to spend a fortune. The point is simply to make an everyday routine feel like something you're actually enjoying.

Don't save all the nice things for special occasions.

4. Stop doom-scrolling before bed

If the last thing you do every night is scroll through bad news, arguments, disasters and other people's carefully edited lives, it's hardly surprising if you go to bed with your brain buzzing. Try creating a little distance between yourself and your phone before bed. Put it down. Read something enjoyable. Have a bath. Listen to relaxing music. Watch something funny. Let your brain wind down. And don't underestimate the happiness benefits of simply going to bed earlier and getting enough sleep.

Sometimes the most glamorous wellbeing hack is simply going to bed.

5. Make the algorithm work for you

Social media algorithms learn what you interact with — so give them something positive to work with. Follow funny accounts. Subscribe to uplifting podcasts. Find creators who make you laugh, teach you something interesting or leave you feeling motivated rather than miserable. If your feed is full of arguments, outrage and things that make you feel inadequate, change what you're feeding it.

Curate your digital environment like you would your physical one.

You wouldn't deliberately fill your living room with things that make you miserable.

Don't let your phone become one.

6. Do a friendship overhaul

Take a moment to think about the people in your life. Who makes you laugh?

Who makes you feel comfortable being yourself? Who leaves you feeling energised after you've spent time together? And who seems to leave you feeling drained every single time? This isn't about dramatically cutting people out of your life. Sometimes relationships simply need a little more balance. Make more time for the people who make you feel good.

Book the lunch. Arrange the coffee. Have the night out.

Don't always wait for somebody else to organise it.

Good friendships need time and attention too.

7. Try something new — and join something

It's easy for adult life to become a cycle of work, home, chores and repeat. Joining a club or group can be a brilliant way of breaking that routine. Try a dance class, walking group, craft group, exercise class, book club, volunteering or anything else that interests you. You don't have to become best friends with everyone.

Sometimes simply having somewhere to go, something to look forward to and a new experience can make life feel bigger. And you never know who you might meet.

8. Schedule fun like you schedule everything else

We put appointments, work meetings, children's activities and dentist visits in our calendars. Why don't we do the same with fun? If you wait until you have "spare time", you might never get around to it. Put something enjoyable in the diary.

• A meal out.

• A walk.

• A film.

• A day trip.

• A massage.

• A coffee with a friend.

• A creative afternoon.

It doesn't have to be expensive.

If it's important to your wellbeing, it deserves space in your calendar.

9. Think about wellbeing as maintenance

We don't wait until our car completely breaks down before we service it. So why do we sometimes wait until we're completely exhausted before we look after ourselves?

Regular massage, yoga, Pilates, meditation, counselling, talking therapy or other holistic wellbeing practices can become part of your normal maintenance routine if they're appropriate and helpful for you.

You don't necessarily have to wait until you're overwhelmed, burnt out or struggling before you do something supportive.

Think of it as maintenance rather than emergency repair.

Looking after yourself when you're doing reasonably well can help you stay connected to what your mind and body need.

10. Give yourself something to look forward to

Sometimes happiness comes from anticipation as much as the actual event.

• Book the weekend away.

• Plan a day trip.

• Buy tickets for a show.

• Arrange a lunch.

• Start planning your next adventure.

It doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant.

Even something as simple as knowing that Saturday morning you're going for a walk followed by coffee and cake can give you a little bright spot in the week.

We all need things to look forward to.

11. Try positive affirmations

What we repeatedly say to ourselves can influence the way we see ourselves and the world around us. That doesn't mean standing in front of the mirror telling yourself you're amazing when you don't believe it. Try something more realistic and useful.

"I don't have to have everything figured out."

"I can handle difficult days."

"I am allowed to say no."

"I don't need everyone's approval."

"I am doing the best I can."

"I can start again."

"My needs matter too."

"I am allowed to enjoy my life."

Choose a few that actually mean something to you and repeat them regularly.

Talk to yourself like someone you're responsible for looking after.

12. Enjoy the season you're in

We can sometimes spend our lives wishing for a different season. In winter, we want summer. In summer, we're complaining about the heat. In autumn, we're waiting for Christmas. In spring, we're wishing everything would hurry up and warm up.

But no season is completely good or bad. Each one has something different to offer.

Spring can be about new beginnings and fresh energy. Summer brings longer days, outdoor life and holidays. Autumn can encourage us to slow down and enjoy cosy evenings. And winter can be a time for rest, reflection, comfort and recharging.

We shouldn't expect life to feel like summer all year round. Nature doesn't work that way — and neither do we. Sometimes we need periods of activity and growth, and sometimes we need periods of slowing down.

Instead of fighting the season, ask yourself: what can I enjoy about this one?

13. Get outside and move your body

You don't have to become a fitness fanatic to benefit from movement. Go for a walk. Put some music on and dance. Do some gardening. Walk the dog. Take the stairs. Stretch while you're watching television. Movement and fresh air can give you a break from sitting inside your own head. And don't underestimate the happiness of simply getting outside when you've been stuck indoors all day.

You don't always need to think your way out of a bad mood. Sometimes you need to move your way out of it.

Happiness doesn't have to be complicated

None of these things are going to magically make every difficult part of life disappear. That's not the point. Happiness isn't about pretending everything is wonderful all the time. It's about deliberately creating little moments that make life feel good alongside everything else.

• Fresh air.

• Music.

• Sleep.

• Good friends.

• Laughter.

• Movement.

• Nature.

• Something lovely in the shower.

• A new experience.

• A night out.

• A quiet morning.

• Something to look forward to.

They might seem like small things. But small things repeated regularly can become the atmosphere of your life. So don't wait for happiness to arrive.

Create little opportunities for it.

And remember:

You don't have to earn joy. You're allowed to enjoy your life now.