#10 Assertive Power Phrase Situations
Coming straight back at someone with a crafted power phrase can be a great confidence building moment. You know those times when you can think of a satisfying answer after the moment has passed but you’ve already either given in or been humiliated. If only you’d thought of it earlier. Well you can be ready for next time!
The key to using pre-phrases effectively is understanding that they’re not just words, they’re tools for reclaiming your confidence in the moment. When you have a few well-crafted statements ready, you’re no longer reacting from hesitation, embarrassment, or fear; instead, you step into the interaction with clarity, authority, and calm. Practicing these phrases ahead of time helps your brain form muscle memory for assertiveness, so when a tense or challenging situation arises, your response is almost instinctive.
Over time, this builds a feedback loop: the more you use pre-phrases successfully, the more confident you feel, which makes it even easier to craft new phrases for future situations. Think of it as creating an arsenal of verbal power moves, each one tailored to common scenarios in your life, from workplace pushback to social pressure, so that no moment catches you off guard. By rehearsing and internalising these phrases, you aren’t just preparing for confrontation, you’re strengthening your overall presence, reinforcing your self-worth, and cultivating the mindset that you can handle any interaction with poise and impact.
Sometimes though creating and thinking up good assertive pre-phrases (phrases that you have in your assertive library, prepped for certain common situations) is difficult to do. Once you know the basic components you can practice building your own power phrases. Until then you can use these gems to help you with many situations:-
#1 rude comments
“God, you’re so stupid sometimes! I can’t believe you thought that!”
”Wow you look so awful in that dress!”
POWER PHRASE
“Are you ok? That was unneccesarily rude?”
Directs back to them rather than highlighting something is wrong with you.
“I don’t think there’s any need to be rude”
Sharp statement that highlights your objection to their comment and shuts it down.
“Your comment says more about your mindset than mine.”
Redirects things back to scrutinising their opinions.
“I’d appreciate it if you spoke more respectfully / professionally”
Outlines their behaviour as substandard. Erects a boundary.
“I’m glad I don’t base my self image on what other people think”
Invalidates their comment as having power over your emotions.
#2 peer pressure
Friends or peers are pushing you to do something you don’t want to do
“Come on, everyone’s doing it! Why won’t you join in?”
“Everyone thinks that you should…”
“You’re being weird for not doing this.”
POWER PHRASE
“Thanks, but I’m comfortable making my own choices.”
“I don’t base my [opinions, choices, preferences etc] on what people think”
“I choose what I participate in, and this isn’t for me.”
“I don’t base my opinions / decisions / preferences on general opinion.”
“Just because ‘everyone' thinks so doesn’t mean I have to”
“Who is this ‘everyone’?… or is it just you?”
#3 obligation
“I did it for you last time.”
“I’d do it for you if it was me.”
POWER PHRASE
“I understand that you did, but it’s not convenient for me this time.”
“I appreciate that you did, but it’s I’m not in the place to return the favour.”
“I respect that’s your choice, but I’m choosing differently this time.”
“I make choices based on what’s right for me, not out of obligation.”
Redirects the focus back to your own boundaries and decisions, rather than feeling pressured to comply.
#4 guilt
“I’m having such a hard time, I wish you’d give me a break and do that thing I want.”
POWER PHRASE
“I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, but I need to respect my own needs, choices, and limits at the moment.”
Redirects the focus back to your needs and boundaries while acknowledging their feelings without giving in. Remember your ‘sorry’ is empathy not an apology.
#5 minimisation
“It’s not a big thing to get upset about.”
”It’s not like its a big deal to do.”
POWER PHRASE
“I respect your perspective, but it really matters to me.”
“I understand that’s your view, but I find it offensive.”
“I understand it’s not important to you, but I have other priorities.”
Redirects the focus back to your feelings while staying calm, assertive, and easy to say.
#6 deciding for you
“You’re not bothered are you?”
”You can drop ‘name’ off on your way home can’t you?”
POWER PHRASE
“I appreciate you checking with me, but I will / won’t be…”
“Thanks for checking with me, but I am unable to…”
“I appreciate you checking, but I’ll decide what works for me.”
Redirects the choice back to you while staying polite, calm, and assertive.
“We’ll have two glasses of wine”
“She’s having the steak”
POWER PHRASE
“Actually, I haven’t decided yet.”
“Actually, I’ll have a juice instead, as I’m driving”
“Actually, I’ll have something else instead”
#7 pushing you to lose an argument
“How can you still think that way after what I’ve explained to you?!”
”I think its awful! Do you actually like that?”
POWER PHRASE
“I respect your view, and I’m entitled to mine.”
“I respect your opinion, but I think differently.”
“I understand your viewpoint, but I disagree.”
“I guess we’ll just have to disagree.”
“Well, you’re entitled to your own opinion that’s different from mine”
“I’m happy with my own opinion thanks.”
Redirects the conversation back to your own perspective, calmly asserting that it’s okay to disagree without being pressured to “lose” and accept their view or ‘prove’ yours. There’s your option for not one choice but two differing viewpoints and thats fine.
#8 bullying or condescending comments
“Women just don’t understand this technical stuff!”
“Oh, this is too complicated for you.”
“That’s a little over your head, don’t you think?”
“I’ll explain it in simpler terms so you can follow.”
”I’ll find something simpler, this looks too complicated for you.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t need it simplifing for me.”
“I’m fully capable of understanding this.”
“Let’s focus on the task at hand, I can handle this.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I think your tone is inappropriate. I am fully qualified for this.”
“We can proceed if you speak to me respectfully.”
“I don’t believe there is a need to speak to me like that.”
“Let’s keep this professional and respectful.”
#9 derogatory, Embarasing STORIES
When someone is about to share an embarrassing or inappropriate story about you or others. Example comments:
“Oooh remember that funny time when…”
“Brenda said that you did…”
”Oh my goodness, do you still…”
POWER PHRASE
“Ooh, inappropriate story alert!” “Ooh, non the shaming story again!”
“I don’t think we need to hear this inappropriate story again!”
“Have you thought whether that’s an appropriate story to share?”
“Have you ever thought how some stories just come across as insulting?”
“Let’s maybe leave that inappropriate private story where it belongs”
“Interesting inappropriate story… but it doesn’t mean it needs re-telling.”
“Sometimes, there are private stories… that just need to stay private”
“Shall we just save the inappropriate body shaming stories for later”
“Just because we heard / know it, doesn’t mean we need to share it”
“Sometimes when share a story, we need to think first if it’s an appropriate thing to re-tell…”
“Ooh dear, someone’s mouth filter is slipping! ha ha!”
#10 telling you the ‘truth’
“Thought you’d want to know that dress makes you look fat.”
“I’d want someone to tell me if it was me.”
“I’m just being honest.”
POWER PHRASE
“Sorry what did you say? Say it again?”
“I can understand you felt you were being honest but it came across as rude.”
“Ooh, someone’s not worried about being rude…”
“Sometimes it’s best not to give your opinion when not requested.”
“Thanks for your feedback but not everyone agrees”
“Thanks, but that wasn’t helpful for me, it came across as insulting.”
“I can see you think differently, but I’m comfortable with my choice.”
“I’m glad I don’t base my self image on what other people think.”
Redirects responsibility back to them while validating your feelings. Highlights and confronts how their words are perceived.
Key points
Accept that perspectives differ. There isn’t always a single “truth”, people interpret and view situations in their own ways, and those views can conflict. If you can’t immediately justify your position, (just because you can’t right now, that doesn’t make you wrong), don’t feel pressured to defend it on the spot.
Bring the focus back to behaviour and impact. Highlight how something has come across (intentioally or unintentionally) and encourage reflection. Asking someone to repeat what they said can be powerful, it often prompts them to reconsider challenging you without you needing to argue.
Set clear boundaries around respect. Address aggression, rudeness, or disrespect calmly and firmly. Don’t escalate or match their tone, but also don’t reward negative behaviour with emotional reactions.
Be confident in your autonomy. Make it clear that you think independently and make your own decisions. You’re not easily influenced or pushed into positions that don’t align with you.
Value your own voice. Your opinion holds equal weight to anyone else’s. Treat it that way, even if others don’t.