Self-Approval - I am
Self-approval is the foundation of lasting confidence, it’s the ability to value yourself without constantly needing validation or praise from others. When you cultivate self-approval, you recognise your worth based on who you are and the effort you put in, not on external achievements or opinions. This internal sense of worth allows you to stay grounded, even when you face criticism, rejection, or comparison. It frees you from chasing approval and gives you the strength to make authentic choices, take risks, and keep growing, regardless of whether others notice or applaud. True self-approval means knowing you are enough, even without external evidence to prove it.
BENEFITS
Here are 5 benefits of self-fed approval, valuing yourself from within rather than relying on others for validation:
1. Stronger self-worth
You no longer depend on praise, likes, or external success to feel good about yourself. Your value comes from who you are, not what others think.
2. Greater emotional stability
When approval comes from within, you’re less shaken by criticism, rejection, or comparison. You stay grounded and balanced, even when facing setbacks.
3. Authentic decision-making
You make choices that align with your values and goals, not just what will impress others. This leads to a more honest, fulfilling life.
4. Resilience in the face of failure
Self-approval helps you bounce back faster. Mistakes don’t define you, they’re just part of your growth, and your inner belief keeps you moving forward.
5. Healthier relationships
You show up more confidently and compassionately with others, without needing constant validation. This allows deeper connection, mutual respect, and less competition.
pitfalls of approval
Here are some negatives of relying on others for approval:
1. Unstable self-worth
When your value depends on others’ opinions, your confidence rises and falls based on external feedback, making your sense of self and emotional balance fragile and unstable.
2. Fear of rejection or disapproval
Constantly seeking approval can lead to anxiety, as you become overly concerned with pleasing others and avoiding anything that might lead to criticism, conflict or unpopularity. This makes you highly compliant to other demands, which may not be favourable for you.
3. Loss of authenticity
You may start making choices based on what others expect or want, rather than what feels right to you, causing you to lose touch with your true self. You lose your sense of individuality and become what others want you to be.
4. Increased people-pleasing
To gain validation, you may put others’ needs before your own, struggle to set boundaries, or avoid saying "no," which can lead to burnout or resentment.
5. Difficulty handling criticism
When your self-worth depends on being liked or praised, criticism feels like a personal attack, making it harder to learn from feedback or grow from mistakes.
6. Open to abuse or manipulation
Relying on external approval can make you vulnerable to abuse, exploitation, or manipulation, as others may use your need for approval and praise to control your choices or behavior.
7. Passivity to aggression
When you rely on external approval, you may become passive and overly submissive, backing down in the face of firmness or aggression to avoid conflict or disapproval. This can lead to others controlling or overpowering you, often at the expense of your own needs, boundaries, and well-being.
Approval & bullying
Approval from our peers is a key part of being a social animal. We build our sense of worth from how valued we are by our group, which is a natural quality. The pitfalls of this though are when our peers don’t seem to value us or our contributions. At worst our group may actively relish proving to us just how un-needed, un-wanted or un-valuable we are. This can demolish even the sturdiest confidence if actioned over time, especially where there is no counter or escape.
Bullying is when someone deliberately (gaining pleasure by knowing it will cause the subject pain or by gaining a feeling of power, status or self-importance) and consistently tries to:-
Undermine, or steal, a subject’s success and positives by invalidation (making out that their success is cheating or easy) or by actually claiming credit for the success of a subject.
Make a subject feel bad about themselves by highlighting their failures or less positive aspects (the more public, the better).
Target individuals for social exclusion by the bully and encourage others to do the same, especially as a punishment.
Threaten a subject (and action) with mental, emotional, verbal or physical abuse, especially into compliance.
This is especially intense and devastating if the subject of the bullying is:-
A child who has a caregiver who is the bully.
An employee whose manager is a bully (they may be trapped within the job due to finances or a contract).
An individual within a family, whose partner, or fellow family members, are the bullies.
Someone locked into a school journey for years with classmates or supposed ‘friends’ that bully them.
actions to take
Ways to build resilience to efforts to reduce your sense of worth and value can be:-
Find a counteraction
Balance out the time you spend in self-esteem reducing environments by having another relationship, group or space that is positive and nurturing. This way you can re-charge your self-approval with positive, supportive feedback from others. Everyone needs safe, supportive relationships in order to flourish. Make multiple friendship groups if you ca, so that you can get a fresh, alternative perspective and ideas on things.
Build your self-feeding mindset skills
Having resistance to attempts to reduce your self-esteem is a key skill. Not everyone you meet, or have a relationship, with will be supportive of you. In life you will encounter criticism, jealousy, competition, mind games, manipulation, invalidation, sabotage or an aloof lack of support. Resilience skills include feeding your esteem from your own thoughts (mindset) and giving yourself value, despite what others may say to you. Learn to value your own opinion and defend from the deliberate negative influence of others.
Identify and escape from abusive relationships or environments
Learn to recognise what manipulation and abusive behaviour looks like, and learn which relationships/environments to avoid or minimise as much as possible. This could be true of a potential relationship, current relationship, a workplace or an environment.
Learn when you should leave an abusive situation if you can or how you could speak to those who can help you escape.
There are many places where you can get help for bullying by building your own self-esteem and countering the behaviour of others. Remember there is always help, support and ways to improve a bullying situation. You matter, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Childhood bullying
nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk
anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk
nspcc.org.uk
giveusashout.org
youngminds.org.uk
domestic violence
refuge.org.uk
idas.org.uk
rightsofwomen.org.uk
How to grow
Know your personal rights. Read More…
Create some inspiring affirmations and self-talk for daily use, including words like ‘I am’. Include things that you are proud you are good at, what you have achieved or who you have decided to be as a person.
Work on your charisma skills so that you can build varied, positive and new friendships, relationships and social groups. Read more…
Learn assertiveness skills and techniques for dealing with criticism and challenges, such as arguments and aggression. Read more…
Here are key skills to build self-approval:
1. Self-awareness
Learn to observe your thoughts, emotions, and triggers without judgment. Understanding yourself is the first step to valuing yourself from within.
Read more…
2. Positive self-talk
Replace critical inner dialogue with encouraging, supportive language. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you respect and care about. That praise you need… give it to yourself. Self praise counts just as much.
3. Setting boundaries
Practice saying no and protecting your time, energy, and values. Honoring your own needs reinforces the message that you matter, without needing outside permission. Follow your own path without being pushed another way.
Read more…
4. Be authentically you
Regularly check in with yourself about what’s truly important to you, what you're proud of, and how you’ve grown. This keeps your sense of worth rooted in your own journey. What do you like, what inspires you?
5. Celebrating progress
Acknowledge your efforts and wins, no matter how small. Validating your own growth helps shift approval inward, rather than waiting for others to notice or applaud.
6. Have self-respect
When you respect yourself, you approve of yourself by reinforcing your sense of worth from within. When you truly respect yourself, you value your time, opinions, efforts, and body, and you refuse to engage in anything that degrades, disrespects, or compromises who you are. Read more…
Self-approval is a powerful foundation for your sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and personal safety. When you deeply value and believe in yourself, you become less dependent on others for validation, and far less vulnerable to manipulation, abuse, or social bullying. Whether it’s subtle emotional pressure, public shaming, or direct physical or mental harm, a strong sense of self-approval acts as an internal shield. It helps you recognize when something feels wrong, speak up for yourself, set clear boundaries, and walk away from situations or people that disrespect your value. More than just confidence, self-approval is a form of self-protection—it tells the world, and yourself, that you are worthy of respect, care, and dignity, exactly as you are. Learning the techniques to build self-approval is simple, practical, and something anyone can start today, with just a few small steps in the right direction.